TAKE A STAND...

1. Ignore the behavior -- hoping it will go away.

2. Encourage the behavior -- "Do that again. I dare you."

3. Honesty about symptom -- "Just tell me the truth about it."

4. Concern about symptom -- "Aren't you even sorry you did it?"

5. Facing the problem -- "If you will just face up to the problem!"

6. Effort to change -- "If you will just make an effort - try."

7. Willingness to discuss reasons -- "Tell me why you did it."

8. Thinking about behavior -- "Just think before you act."

9. Willingness to learn and/or accept help -- "Learn from it." "You need to get motivated."

10. Don't get caught -- "Just don't ever let me catch you doing that again."

11. Abstract, meaningless direction -- "Use common sense." "Don't give the teacher too hard a time." "Grow up."

12. Statements of facts -- "I see you didn't bring your papers and pencils to class again."

13. Classification systems -- "You're a bad boy."

14. Questions -- "How many times do I have to tell you?"

15. Predictions -- "You'll flunk out of school."

16. If-then, contracts and punishments -- "If you do that one more time, I'll..." This statement tells the student it is OK to misbehave if he is willing to pay the price.

17. Wishes, wants and shoulds -- "I wish you wouldn't." "You should know better." "I want you to..."

18. Reasoning, inspiring, explaining, long lectures.

19. Non-verbal comments about behavior --

a. Incongruent positive non-verbals - smiling, affection, nodding head, etc.

b. Indirect messages - locks on doors, surveillance, unbreakable furniture, etc.

1. Believe it is OK for you to make the decision, be in charge, be the boss, be the parent or the teacher.

2. See the child/student as capable of doing what you request. Accept no excuses for inappropriate behavior. Do not let the child/student engage in behaviors that will lead to failure.

3. Tell the child/student exactly what he/she is to do in concrete, specific, non-hostile, objective behavioral terms.

4. Devise behavioral interventions that stay focused on the solution of the problem and say to the child/student in very clear terms, "I love you and I care about you so much that I will not let you fail, hurt yourself, or make a poor decision in this one area of your life. I will not hurt you, punish you or belittle you, however, I will do whatever is necessary to make sure you are successful."

5. Focus on making the student successful: he does the ten math problems in class right now rather than stay after school and write 100 sentences; he goes to school, gets good grades and acts appropriately instead of being suspended for truancy.

6. The choice of a good back-up technique is between success or success, not success or failure.

7. The bottom line message conveyed to the student is, "You must do the desired behavior, there is no way out of doing it."

8. Be willing to put in the time and energy to make the goal behavior happen. Be consistent, monitor the behavior and follow through. Demonstrate to the student a 100 percent commitment to changing the behavior. Be willing to pay the price now, not later.

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