Make sure the student and the parents both
come to the session. (One person vs. three person model). Your
role - A family advocate.
Step I. Set the goal
Have the family set the goals for the
session. The goals have to be behavioral and observable. Take
an active role in this stage and question everything so that when
the goal is set everyone will completely understand what is to
be done and what the solution to the problem is.
1. Clarify all communication patterns to help set the goal. Do you want him to try to sit still, or sit still? Do you want him to be honest, or stop stealing? (See enclosed summary of communication patterns on page 3.)
2. Keep a future solution orientation.
Step II. Analysis of Beliefs
Analyze parental belief systems regarding
why the child is not doing what the parents want - the goal (Step
1). Ask for the evidence they have to support these belief
systems. Actively question the parents to see if you can erode
away that belief system. (See enclosed analysis of Belief Systems,
Page 4.) The goal of this stage of therapy is to erode the
belief systems so that parents can no longer use them as excuses
for the child's inappropriate behavior. Look for transgenerational
issues. Make the implicit explicit. Develop therapeutic blocks.
Step III. Review of Past Attempts to
Solve the Problem
What have the parents tried to correct
the problem? In this stage have the parents give you actual examples
of what they have said and done to solve the problem. Listen
to exact words used, and analyze actual parental communication
patterns. Behaviorally chain the events to get a clear understanding
of the principles and communications patterns used to solve the
problem. Write them down if necessary. Look for both descriptive
and process information.
Step IV. Parental Successes
Where have the parents been successful in getting their child to do what they wanted in the past when the child was unwilling? Look for clear messages and successful back-up techniques. (i.e. what did you say and do on the 10th time, when you punished him, etc.?) What did they actually say and do? What were the principles and structure of their previous success? Write it down if necessary.
STAGES OF THERAPY (cont.)
Step V. Summarizing and pulling all
the elements of the session together
Be very caring and empathetic. Point
out that they are very successful parents in certain areas (review
Step 4), but that in the goal area (restate goal - Step 1) they
have used different (and less successful) techniques. (Review
Step 3). Point out, these techniques they have used in Step 3
have been reasonable based on their previous belief systems (Review
some beliefs given in Step 2). At this juncture, point out to
the parents that since the belief systems are no longer valid,
if they wish to, they can change the inappropriate behavior
(Step 1) by using the same techniques and principles they have
already proved successful (Step 4). Emphasize the concept of
a structural change - the child in control versus the parents
in control.
Step VI. Contingent -- Have the parents
tell you in their own words what they learned and how they are
going to use the information gained in the session.
Help correct misperceptions and if need
be, develop stronger therapeutic blocks to inhibit negative or
hurtful parental interactions. Work hard to relabel or reframe
the interactions. Look for hidden agendas or transgenerational
issues.
Step VII. Contingent -- Have the parents
develop a lesson plan and back-up techniques to ensure the child's
success. If you wish, have the parents practice the interventions
or role play them right there in the session so you can see how
it might work at home. If community interventions are needed
(i.e. police, probation, child protective services, detoxification,
etc.) help plan and coordinate those efforts.
1. Ignore the behavior -- hoping it will go away.
2. Encourage the behavior -- "Do that again. I dare you."
3. Honesty about symptom -- "Just tell me the truth about it."
4. Concern about symptom -- "Aren't you even sorry you did it?"
5. Facing the problem -- "If you will just face up to the problem!"
6. Effort to change -- "If you will just make an effort - try."
7. Willingness to discuss reasons -- "Tell me why you did it."
8. Thinking about behavior -- "Just think before you act."
9. Willingness to learn and/or accept help -- "Learn from it." "You need to get motivated."
10. Don't get caught -- "Just don't ever let me catch you doing that again."
11. Abstract, meaningless direction -- "Use common sense." "Don't give the teacher too hard a time." "Grow up."
12. Statements of facts -- "I see you didn't bring your papers and pencils to class again."
13. Classification systems -- "You're a bad boy."
14. Questions -- "How many times do I have to tell you?"
15. Predictions -- "You'll flunk out of school."
16. If-then, contracts and punishments -- "If you do that one more time, I'll..." This statement tells the student it is OK to misbehave if he is willing to pay the price.
17. Wishes, wants and shoulds -- "I wish you wouldn't." "You should know better." "I want you to..."
18. Reasoning, inspiring, explaining, long lectures.
19. Non-verbal comments about behavior --
a. Incongruent positive non-verbals - smiling, affection, nodding head, etc.
b. Indirect messages - locks on doors,
surveillance, unbreakable furniture, etc.
Remember: Look for the evidence
to support the belief system.
1. Heredity
2. Emotional illness
3. Deprivation
4. Ignorance (he needs to learn...)
5. Brain damage
6. Defective or inadequate models (parents,
peers, teachers)
7. Socioeconomic factors
8. Phases or stages (terrible two's, adolescence,
rebellious stage, individuation, etc.)
9. Hyperactive -- AD/HD
10. Normal behavior - "boys will be
boys," "that's the way kids are, I was like that as
a kid," "temperament," "it's just the kids
true nature"
11. Wind or weather
12. Astrology - wrong sign
13. Demanding too much of the student
14. Classroom environment
15. Sexism
16. Racism
17. Syndromes
Summary:
a. Would you let your child act like this? In your home? In church? In school?
b. Does the child's behavior change under observation?
c. If you offered him $1000, could he/she stop doing or start doing what you wanted him/her to do?
d. Have you ever seen the child do what
you wanted him to do, at least once?
Even if the belief system were true, would
you let the child continue to act the way he is without trying
to do something about it? Remember, all learning and socialization
is compensation and hard work initially. It gets better and easier
over time.
1. Believe it is OK for you to make the
decision, be in charge, be the boss, be the parent or the teacher.
Legitimate power exercised only when needed in important non-negotiable
areas of the child's life.
2. See the child as capable of doing what
you request. Accept no excuses for inappropriate behavior. Do
not let the child/student engage in behaviors that will lead to
failure.
3. Tell the child exactly what he/she is
to do in concrete, specific, non-hostile, objective behavioral
terms.
4. Devise behavioral interventions that
stay focused on the solution of the problem and say to the child/student
in very clear terms, "I love you and I care about you so
much that I will not let you fail, hurt yourself, or make a poor
decision in this one area of your life. I will not hurt you,
punish you or belittle you, however, I will do whatever is necessary
to make sure you are successful."
5. Focus on making the child successful:
he does his homework right now rather than if not, no TV for
a week; he goes to school, gets good grades and acts appropriately
instead of being on restriction.
6. The choice of a good back-up technique
is between success or success, not success verses failure. Help
them be successful until they get the message they can be successful
on their own. (Just like toilet training.)
7. The bottom line message conveyed to
the child is, "You must do the desired behavior, there is
no way out of doing it. You can count on me, the parent, to help
you initially until you learn to do it on your own."
8. Be willing to put in the time and energy
to make the goal behavior happen. Be consistent, monitor the
behavior and follow through. Demonstrate to the child a 100 percent
commitment to changing the behavior. Be willing to pay the price
now, not later.
Remember:
The non-punishing intervention either works or it doesn't.
The child either needs your help or he doesn't.
As the child demonstrates good decisions
and is successful then back off and give them more freedom
and choice.
Please use a student who has been a major problem or concern to you and fill out the following assessment on a one to five scale. One being no or very mild problem and five being a major problem. When finished, add the columns and then total the score.
The student you are describing is in: ____ Elem. _____ Jr High ____ High School
The problem area is mainly (check one): _____ academic ____ behavioral _____ both
Mild Severe
(Circle one) 1 2 3 4 5
1. Does not seem to pay attention 1 2 3 4 5
2. Pays attention to everything 1 2 3 4 5
3. Does not pay attention to what is important 1 2 3 4 5
4. Seems to have selective listening skills 1 2 3 4 5
5. Will not come when he is called 1 2 3 4 5
6. Leaves everything a mess 1 2 3 4 5
7. Has difficulty remaining seated when required to do so 1 2 3 4 5
8. Is easily distracted by extraneous stimuli 1 2 3 4 5
9. Has difficulty awaiting turn in game or group situations 1 2 3 4 5
10. Often shifts from one uncompleted activity to another 1 2 3 4 5
11. Has difficulty playing quietly 1 2 3 4 5
12. Often interrupts or intrudes on others, for example, 1 2 3 4 5
butts into other children's games
13. Often does not seem to listen to what is being said to 1 2 3 4 5
him or her
14. Often engages in physically dangerous activities 1 2 3 4 5
without considering possible consequences
(not for purpose of thrill-seeking), for example,
runs into street without looking
15. Too much rambunctious energy, seems to be nervous 1 2 3 4 5
16. Acts before he thinks of the consequences 1 2 3 4 5
17. Into everything 1 2 3 4 5
18. Doesn't take care of his things 1 2 3 4 5
19. Almost always gets into trouble 1 2 3 4 5.
20. Sometimes other kids are frightened of him and don't 1 2 3 4 5
like having him around because of his rough play
21. Attacks a task in a random unorganized fashion 1 2 3 4 5
22. Seldom completes a task the way he should, jumps 1 2 3 4 5
from one thing to another
23. At times seems to be defiant, non-compliant, 1 2 3 4 5
oppositional
TOTAL
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(212) 941-8060 Fax: (212) 941-8068